I'm watching you, Seacrest.

If you ever need proof that the entertainment industry, if not the world, is begining to run backwards and never learns from its mistakes, you need look no further than Ryan Seacrest.



There are many reasons I don't watch American Idol. I think I would get a brain aneurysm if I tried to name them all, but the number one reason is probably Ryan Seacrest. I visit my father on Tuesday nights, and his girlfriend loves the show, so I always manage to slip out before the first commercial break is over. That's less than five minutes a week that I have to look at Ryan Seacrest, and yet every time he speaks, my skin crawls. He radiates douchbaggery. I don't even like using the insult "douchebag": for whatever reason, he just inspires the word in me. It's as if that other guy quit knowing that the show was a pile of shit and his function was that of a talking monkey, and Ryan Seacrest thought "YES! Now I am the star of this pile of shit! All hail me, MONKEY KING OF THIS PILE OF SHIT."
Remember when Carson Daly was doing TRL, and he had a radio show, and he had a talk show? No? Well, good, because he's just a mildly attractive talentless guy with no discernable personality who reached celebrity status because his job required him to hang out with more talented people. Now Ryan Seacrest is grabbing the same title, with one hugely annoying difference: he thinks he is the shit.
I'm putting him on Asshole Watch. I'm pretty sure douchbaggery is the pre-cursor to assholedom- douchebaggery is decided by attitude, assholedom is decided by acts. He exposed Kathy Griffin's bra to the world, which gives me the impression that there will be more serious assholedom ahead. Heck, he's only taking over for both Casey Kasem and Dick Clark. Please think about that with me: Ryan Seacrest is getting more famous. Pray for deus ex machina, or else this asshole is going to be famous for the rest of his life. Unless he goes into rehab, becomes a monk or finds a nice girl and settles down in a small mountain town and is never heard from again, I'll be by this laptop, waiting for him to act like the total asshole I suspect he is deep down. If it continues down this slippery slope, he could just be the Tom Cruise to my D. Wils.