Inanimate objects can be assholes, too, kind of

Inanimate objects aren't assholes, people are assholes. But inanimate objects can be guilty by association.

I FUCKING HATE BOOST MOBILE WALKIE TALKIE CHIRP PHONES.

You get the idea.

As if cell phones weren't annoying enough already, with all the ring tones and networks and people talking very loudly about turkey in the grocery store. But no, Boost fucking Mobile had to take it to the next level, just when you thought that we were already on the top level of fucking annoyingness, and make cell phones that much more goddamn annoying. I see kids walk around with these phones, and all I can hear all damn day is "chirp! BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH" "chirp! BLAHBLAHBLAH" ALL. GODDAMN. DAY. It's like, a walkie talkie, but it makes unecessary noise in the form of "chirp! chirp! chmotherfuckingirp!", and makes people talk louder in conversation, as if they didn't already talk loud on cell phones. And the commercials are stupid too. "If Fat Joe didn't have Boost Mobile, he would have not heard about this concert, and then he would have been a pet psychic, but lucky for us, he got Boost Mobile!" These commercials are mind-bogglingly impossible for several reasons:
a. Boost Mobile did not exist when Fat Joe, or whoever, was a child, in fact, I am pretty sure that cell phones in general barely existed, let alone annoying as hell walkie talkie cell phone bullshit.
b. If Fat Joe's friend wanted him to go to some rap concert so bad, couldn't he have called Fat Joe on his home phone? Or, better yet, come and found him at, like, his house?
c. The fact that Fat Joe supposedly had Boost Mobile is not lucky for us. I mean, really, would the world be worse off if the man who "wrote" "Lean Back" became a pet psychic rather than a rap artist? Please.

The point is, I hate those phones. I hate "Unlimited Chirp". The idea makes me shiver. Unlimited chirp. Eugh. This entry is dedicated to the company that owns Boost Mobile, Boost Mobile, Boost Mobile phones, and anyone who uses Boost Mobile phones. I hate you all.